On Life and Death

Claire meets her great-grandparents for the first time (more here)

I wrote the post below when we found out Claire’s great-grandfather had few days left in life. I was torn about taking her to the wake, and eventually decided with my husband to take her. What a great decision! The deacon who spoke to us in the evening said he loved to see children at wakes because they are a symbol of life, love and family. I wish I had a tape recorder for his talk, he did a beautiful job turning a few of my handwritten notes into a well spoken eulogy.

Dan and I took Claire up to the casket after explaining that Pop had died and is no longer breathing or laughing. We told her that part of him now lived in God’s house. I avoided the whole “oh, he’s just sleeping” thing because I think that explanation can be terrifying for children. Who wants to go to “sleep” at night after seeing a loved one looking strangely still in a casket? So we opted for the truthful route gently explaining that all things live and then die.

Claire took a look into Pop’s casket said goodbye to Pop then promptly asked for her puzzles and toys and ran around the room with her cousin having a grand time. Kids are great, aren’t they? So accepting and resilient. We’ll miss Pop but I’m so happy that Claire really got to know him and will keep him alive in her memories. Not every kid gets to meet their great-grandparents, let alone spend nearly 3 happy years with one of them. I’m grateful for that indeed!

father’s day 2008, all the guys in Claire’s life

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written 12.July.2010

As Claire gets older I find myself thinking more and more about choices we make as parents. Not questioning our choices per se, but realizing the magnitude of our parenting decisions and their implications for our precocious little toddler.

Case in point, death and dying. Treated as a natural part of the life cycle, I don’t think it is a scary thing for a child to witness, especially a gradual decline in the elderly.

Claire’s great-grandfather has been in failing health for the past month or two. She visits with him and has not turned off or spooked by the bi-pap machine that helped him to breathe last month. She was a little apprehensive about the “elephant mask” as we called it, but quickly warmed up to her great-grandfather, albeit a slighter and sleepier version then she remembered. We’ve brought drawings for Pop to enjoy and explained about Pop’s “boo-boo” in his lungs which makes it harder to for him to breathe. Claire’s been talking about Pop not feeling “berry good” and is obviously thinking about him throughout the day but doesn’t seem saddened or threatened by the change.

Now that he is weaned off the bi-pap machine and in the hospital being made comfortable in his last days I continue to take Claire to see him. I’m sure she can’t help but notice he’s skinnier and less and less alert but she clings to his hand and smiles at him and Pop seems to really enjoy the time with her.

There seems to be such a disconnect with death in today’s industrialized world. The animals we eat in the grocery store are shrink wrapped and unidentifiable so Claire’s only experience with death is batteries that run out of juice and the occasional mouse that Ray gets.

Of course I’m torn about the whole wake thing. Of course it provides closure but for someone so young would she understand? Should her last memories of her great-grandfather be of him alive and risk having her think dying just means “disappearing?” Or should we allow a goodbye and a viewing of his body explaining the whole spirit/body thing?

Any thoughts or advice?

Head Gear

Company picnic 2010, here's our little head case. Elephants on the brain and count them: one, two, THREE tattoos. No shyness from this kid, she elbowed her way forward, flashed a grin and managed to get three different pictures on her arm. We're guessing this fascination with "arm ink" is due to the nice hairdresser who cut Mommy's hair the morning of the picnic. He was rather decorated and Claire admired his "arm pictures" the entire appointment.

And PS - I did NOT wind up with a mohawk!

Busy Busy Busy!

Anybody still out there?! I took an unexpected blog-vacation but will be back posting photos and sharing adventures as soon as my camera finishes charging up. Claire and I have been busy at the farm and working our own mini-agriculture experiment at home. Life in the past two months has been busy, Pop was in the hospital but is doing much better and we welcomed another cousin into the world, beautiful baby girl Jessica. Check out the site Laurie and Matt have set up, you might notice the cousins look just a bit alike! http://jessicaannlange.shutterfly.com/ Lots of traveling these past few months and lots of pictures to come, promise!

E-I-E-I-O

Our family is participating in a great community supported garden program up at Sunset View Farms in Lafayette. My focus is on the 20x30 plot we’re tending, while Claire is enjoying her time chasing around the chicken and sneaking worms into her pockets. Here’s the cast of characters so far:

The goat. Claire’s favorite mammal on the farm and her curiosity (and love of grass and clover) gives us lots of face time with this critter.

The hen. I’ll have to snap another photo of her as this chick spends little time in her enclosure. I have never met a more patient bird, of course Claire is collecting all kinds of bugs for her so that’s probably why she tolerates Claire’s “love.”

The sheep. Shy and skittish they don’t much care for Claire yet. We’re working on bribing them. Baaaaaa!

This is a teaching farm and there is a fantastic nature playground where Claire explored her balancing skills and did lots of jumping.

The chicks. Our source of eggs this summer. They make the cutest cheeping noise and are so soft! I can’t wait to see the blue eggs from one of the breeds in there. Look at that little one jumping in the right corner!

“I want that one, Mommy!”

And lastly, some shots of the play area -

Snow-MAN

There was too much snow to build a snowman in the backyard during our last storm. I had to carry the poor kid out to her playhouse because the snow was well past Claire’s waist and she couldn’t walk in it. This photo was taken about 3 days after the big storm, nearly 6 inches had already melted, it was insane!

So we moved our snowman building efforts into the plowed driveway. Claire grabbed her little shovel and wound up with a nice toddler sized snowman. She wanted stick arms and a carrot nose (just like the Kipper book we’re reading). I just had to share this picture of Claire’s errrr… “anatomically correct” snowman.

Heehee.

Happy Birthday Grandma Caca!

We celebrated Grandma Caca’s birthday here on March 13 (she was turning 29 if you wanted to know), and while the party we were originally planning to surprise her with got rained out, we had a great little party. Linda and Sandy joined us for the weekend and Claire hammed it up as usual.

 

  See the balloons below? Caca graciously left one behind for Claire and it is STILL happily floating around the house. Claire grabs a hold of the string and jumps along shouting, “yook, I’m froating like the balloon!”

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First Beach Visit of the Year!

It’s raining today and normal March temperatures in the 50s have resumed, but a few weekends ago it hit nearly 80 degrees!

With the sunshine and warm weather (and a bit of Spring Fever induced craziness) Claire and I took an evening stroll to the lake front to feed the fish and dip our toes in the water. My poor toes! Claire seems impervious to the cold and happily splashed around in the f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g water until I dragged her out by her belt loops.

While I buried my feet in the warm sand to warm them up, a neighbor’s dog came down for a game of fetch and Claire scurried around searching for sand toys and tossing pieces of bread to the fish (who never showed up) and snacking on the remaining pieces. We saw one lone duck and lots of hawks overhead but it seems most of the summer wildlife has yet to arrive or wakeup.

To view full size images of the collage below, just click on the link below “view full album.” Enjoy the sunny photos, it’s so rainy and cold we’ll definitely be indoors today just thinking about the warm sunshine we experienced on this lovely day!

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Smile!

How did I miss posting these? Here are a few more of the kiddo:

 

 

 

Feelings

Claire's newest phrase is:

"Oh! This makes me so happy!"

I took this series of photos after she told me how her "tu-wip" makes her so happy. I asked her how does she look when she's happy, sad, silly and mad. See the hysterical results below. Hopefully all the cute mugs make up for my tardy post and unannounced blogging hiatus.